We couldn't have said this better ourselves...
Guys,
First off: Congrats. Not only did you manage to make a lot of people care about ice dancing, you made them swoon over it. The on-ice chemistry; the romantic music; your signature “Goose” move – it was all very impressive. And then, you won a gold medal just when Canada’s Own The Podium chief was touting us as a “fourth to be reckoned with.” Nuts to that, you said. And now the inevitable national question has started popping up: that is, when are you having babies? Because, it’s basically your national duty at this point. Oh, I know – I read the press about you two just being really great friends and having a strong working relationship and, y’know, that’s what makes it workor something, and it sort of made me a little angry. See, within all that deflection, there was this line (from the Canadian Press): “Virtue, 20, and the 22-year-old Moir – who did date briefly when they were younger…”
“Something really changed in my life when I started to hold on to the hand of a very beautiful little girl,’’ Moir recalled tenderly. “It just seemed to make more sense to hang out with cute girl than to hang out with 19 other guys.’’ [...]
Virtue, who usually lets Moir take the conversation lead, remembers their early days thusly: “I know I had a crush on Scott, that’s for sure. But I wasn’t alone there.’’ (Moir snorts: “That’s certainly changed.’’)
Ho ho!
Look, I get it; it didn’t work out. But we all saw you at the press conference, sitting next to one another and enjoying your win, and – come on – it’s just too good. Seriously. I might only have a few years on you guys, but might I suggest that you just take advantage of the situation and sew it up into a nice little package now, before fame and cereal box sponsorship deals kick in. In fact, Scott, meet me at the next paragraph.
Hey, buddy. Look: I know at this point you’re probably saying something like, “But it’d be like dating my sister,” and that’s fair enough, but you’re just looking at it the wrong way – it’s all in your head. Besides, the seed has already been planted. Might I remind you of the quote at the end of Paragraph Two? It can’t have ended that badly. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. Look, I know you think that now that you’re an Olympic champion, the dating possibilities are endless. And you’re right, they totally are. But they will ruin you. Think about it: For multiple hours of the day, you’re paired up with a total fox who you’re around all the time and with whom you share a life goal (and who doesn’t bore you to tears). After the gagillionth time you’ve explained the extra hour you spent at the rink to your fire-pissed jealous Perfect Post-Olympic Girlfriend, you’ll realize it’s barely even worth texting it again. And then you’ll realize I was right. You’ve got a good one here. In fact, Tessa, let’s talk for a second…
Hi, Tessa. Great work on the medal, and I hear you’re going to university. Excellent! Hope it’s been fun so far, because when you go back it’ll be different. Remember all those cool guys you met in your first few classes? The ones who seemed like a lot of fun down at the campus bar, or on the weekend? The ones who were learning “Your Body is a Wonderland” on their acoustic guitar that they had leaned up against a corner of their residence room? The ones who drunkenly (incorrectly) quoted Nietzsche just to try to impress you? The good news is that they’ll disappear. The bad news is that they’ll be replaced with something much worse. Watch as they all morph into one gargantuan marauding, smooth-talking, famewhore with a million heads and a billion hands, all pointed directly at a fabricated, television image of you, with no real interest in whether it’s the real deal or not. And look, guys are idiots (I should know – I’m both); finding “the one” who doesn’t mind you hanging out with a handsome, devil-may-care Olympic ice dancer all the time might be, well… difficult.
Finally, if for no other reason, can you at least get together to put the rest of Canada at ease? Speaking for both guys and girls here, I think I can safely say that knowing both of you are taken will just make life easier. Not only will all seem right with the world, but also, the pressure will be off. At least we won’t have that to think about. It’s like running into a married person at the bar – you know it’s going nowhere, so you can just relax. If both of you are running around on your own, we’ll all have to be extra vigilant, and to be quite honest, I just can’t deal with that kind of stress.
So, I realize you’ve already done a lot for the country, but I’ll make you a deal: You guys promise to give it one more go, and we’ll promise that nobody else will ever write you another mediocre open letter calling for your immediate engagement. And then we can also destroy this one.
http://trueslant.com/colinhorgan/2010/02/25/tessa-virtue-scott-moir-dating/
